Skillset New Zealand Blog

Ideas to help your team develop personally and professionally.

Let's say your presentation bombs, the boss criticises your work or you say something really embarrassing.

Who is in your ear? Is it a supportive friend reassuring you, or a contemptuous critic shouting, 'How could you be so stupid?'

Be kind to yourself

It's a cliche most people ignore. We fear that we'll become self-indulgent, too tolerant of our mistakes and lazy. The research shows that's wrong.

Who would motivate you more long-term: a friend offering acceptance and encouragement, or a sergeant major bawling you out for every lapse?

Self-compassion and and motivation

What if the voice of your compassionate friend were to suggest some healthy thinking? Maybe:

'Just ignore the embarassment and move on'
'Your mistakes don't define you'

Could your friend add some simple strategies? Perhaps:

'Try again tomorrow' 
'How about taking a night class to catch up?'

We don't need criticism to stay motivated - especially constant undermining self-criticism. Self-compassion checks out much better. Many studies link it with more motivation, better relationships, less stress and less depression.

About Ralph Brown

ralph brown blog3

Ralph is our founder and managing director. He has a background in psychology, television journalism and business.

Ralph's passions are psychology and writing. He leads workshops on both and speaks to conferences on the psychology of thriving at work.

In 2011  Professional Speakers Australia awarded him its top speaking accreditation, the CSP.

He has written six books and more than a hundred articles on psychology and writing. International research journals have published his articles reviewing the research on resilience.

Ralph's enjoys trips to France. He lives in rural Canterbury.

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