Skillset New Zealand Blog

Ideas to help your team develop personally and professionally.

There's one thing that stands out.

Couples who've been together for many decades usually put the success of their relationships down to things like good communication or tolerance.

Researchers have found that the real issue for most couples is 'emotional warmth'. And yes, you can use the idea at work too.

Communicating well and tolerance are ways of expressing that warmth, but we can express warmth in many ways. Doing the dishes, hugs, really listening, treating our partner with respect even when we disagree, all contribute to a reservoir of goodwill. When things don't go so well, there should be plenty in the reservoir to handle it.

The number of disagreements doesn't seem to have any connection with the success of a relationship. Nor does having a similar personality. A combination of studies involving 45 thousand marriages showed there was virtually no connection between personality and the success of relationships.

The studies have involved intimate relationships. Let's extend the idea to our relationships with our colleagues. Maybe not the hugs if that's not your kind of workplace. But surely we can assume that helping out without expecting anything in return, really listening, treating our colleagues with respect even when we disagree would provide a useful focus - maybe even an essential value of your team.

About Ralph Brown

ralph brown blog3

Ralph is our founder and managing director. He has a background in psychology, television journalism and business.

Ralph's passions are psychology and writing. He leads workshops on both and speaks to conferences on the psychology of thriving at work.

In 2011  Professional Speakers Australia awarded him its top speaking accreditation, the CSP.

He has written six books and more than a hundred articles on psychology and writing. International research journals have published his articles reviewing the research on resilience.

Ralph enjoys trips to France. He lives in rural Canterbury.

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